Trine

Before I wrote this post, I decided to do something I hadn’t done yet with Trine - which is to go check out it’s Meta Critic score and surprisingly it did great and at the time of writing this has an 82 with generally favorable reviews.

Fellow gamer, let me tell you, do not pay twenty dollars for Trine. Save your Playstation Network money in your wallet for something else.

In case you’re wondering what Trine is, let me explain. It was meant to be this beautiful medieval platforming game where you co-operatively played with one or two other players. You all have different powers and use them to help each other manipulate the level and pass through it. It’s quite cool, and the gameplay videos I watched before purchasing the game sealed the deal with me.

However, my girlfriend and I have been playing the game and it is so buggy, so unplayable at times, and so absolutely frustrating that it’s the first game I’d consider attempting to get at least a partial refund from Sony for. That is, of course, impossible, and I’m stuck with the purchase. Why can’t you return games if they’re shit by the way? You can return almost anything else if something is wrong with it, and I’m positive that something is wrong with Trine.

Now, what if all those fancy pants Meta Critic reviewers are right and Trine is awesome and I’m really terrible at video games. Sometimes I do wonder.

We have seen boxes fall through solid floors, enemies jump on our heads and send us flying into a bottomless pit, a stupid ass fucking Knight that can’t swim, and a game that doesn’t regenerate objects that may have been destroyed or lost if you die and respawn, and even worse, a game that actually has a menu that fucking freezes up and requires multiple button presses to escape form. It is the worst game I’ve played in some time.

The platforming and combat components are terrible and EXP is given out with fucking phials of green potion instead of automatically assigned to whoever made the kill, and the only enemies in the game are skeletons, big skeletons, fat skeletons, and un-balanced swarms of bats which will ruin you especially if you’re the wizard and have no physical attack whatsoever.

Jumping in the game is awful, and I assure you that the platforming of the ancient Mario Bros. is substantially tighter than this train wreck of a game.

Such potential Nobilis, what the fuck were you thinking? Did you play your own game, and also what copy did you send to the press, and what copy did Sony release on the PSN?

- Kyle