Trine

Before I wrote this post, I decided to do something I hadn’t done yet with Trine - which is to go check out it’s Meta Critic score and surprisingly it did great and at the time of writing this has an 82 with generally favorable reviews.

Fellow gamer, let me tell you, do not pay twenty dollars for Trine. Save your Playstation Network money in your wallet for something else.

In case you’re wondering what Trine is, let me explain. It was meant to be this beautiful medieval platforming game where you co-operatively played with one or two other players. You all have different powers and use them to help each other manipulate the level and pass through it. It’s quite cool, and the gameplay videos I watched before purchasing the game sealed the deal with me.

However, my girlfriend and I have been playing the game and it is so buggy, so unplayable at times, and so absolutely frustrating that it’s the first game I’d consider attempting to get at least a partial refund from Sony for. That is, of course, impossible, and I’m stuck with the purchase. Why can’t you return games if they’re shit by the way? You can return almost anything else if something is wrong with it, and I’m positive that something is wrong with Trine.

Now, what if all those fancy pants Meta Critic reviewers are right and Trine is awesome and I’m really terrible at video games. Sometimes I do wonder.

We have seen boxes fall through solid floors, enemies jump on our heads and send us flying into a bottomless pit, a stupid ass fucking Knight that can’t swim, and a game that doesn’t regenerate objects that may have been destroyed or lost if you die and respawn, and even worse, a game that actually has a menu that fucking freezes up and requires multiple button presses to escape form. It is the worst game I’ve played in some time.

The platforming and combat components are terrible and EXP is given out with fucking phials of green potion instead of automatically assigned to whoever made the kill, and the only enemies in the game are skeletons, big skeletons, fat skeletons, and un-balanced swarms of bats which will ruin you especially if you’re the wizard and have no physical attack whatsoever.

Jumping in the game is awful, and I assure you that the platforming of the ancient Mario Bros. is substantially tighter than this train wreck of a game.

Such potential Nobilis, what the fuck were you thinking? Did you play your own game, and also what copy did you send to the press, and what copy did Sony release on the PSN?

- Kyle

Four Things You May Not Know About The Last Guardian

1. While Trico was the working title, it’s also the name of the of the Erne or sea eagle creature that you see in the trailer.

2. Visually, The Last Guardian is going to be stunning. In fact Ueda claims that the physics engine can render each of Trico’s feathers individually based on in game wind.

3. Trico can mean a few things, including prisoner, baby bird, and combination of bird and cat. The prisoner meaning most likely foreshadows some story elements.

4. As a player, you never control Trico, but instead you can guide him. You can even feed him and remove arrows from his body. The creature itself does not behave like a pet, but instead has natural animal tendencies such as straying ahead and getting distracted.

Trico, of course also wants to protect the boy, but such things will really begin to be questioned one game debuts when the player begins to wonder who is protecting who.

Noby Noby Boy Reaches Mars, And I’m Only Moderately Excited

No one really thought it was going to happen but after they starting doubling Noby Noby Boy lengths during their Lucky Week, Girl grew to some amazing lengths and has finally landed on Mars.

While it’s cool that Noby Noby Boy players are collectively reaching other planets together, how long can this replayability last? I mean Noby Noby Boy can only be so much fun given the game’s current rules and simply playing on a new planet with no gameplay enhancements really can’t be all that enticing and in fact seems really gimmicky to me.

If only more incentive existed to get Girl to other planets, besides getting Girl to other planets.*

news of girl reaching mars via gamesetwatch.

* I find Noby Noby Boy to be an exciting value, and I truly do think that a $5 game getting more free content updates than a $60 game is incredibly impressive and commendable.

Space Invaders Extreme Coming to the Playstation Network

Yes!

One of my favorite games on the DS will be coming to the PSN! I really hope they keep the multiplayer.